Archive | April 2011

Easter Blonde Joke

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.  The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.  Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.  The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.  A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what’s wrong.

“I feel terrible!” he exclaims.  “I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM.”

The blonde says, “Don’t worry.”

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.  She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.  The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another ten feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again until he is out of sight.

The man is astonished.  He runs over to the woman and demands, “What is in that can?  What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?”

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says..

“Hair Spray
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave.”

H a p p y  E a s t e r ! ! !

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The devil made me post this…

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.  As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat.  As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.  Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business.  I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston .”

He swallowed hard.  Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded.  “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said.  “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.  “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you.  I don’t even know your name…”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.”

How to get to China from Japan

1. Go to Google maps.
2. Go to “Get Directions.”
3. Type Japan as the start location.
4. Type China as the end location.
5. Read direction #42.
6. Laugh and repost.