Archive | October 2011

The Evolution of the Big Banks

Scroll down and look at the chart below.  (If you click on it, it will become large enough to read.)  See First Union down there second from the bottom?  If this chart went back another 40 years, you would see that First Union evolved from a local savings bank — just one free-standing bank with no branches — where my parents opened a passbook savings account for me when I was 6.  I held onto that account for close to 50 years, with just enough money in it to keep it open, faithfully bringing in my passbook every three months to update the almost non-existent interest, with the account number getting longer and longer as each subsequent corporate owner of it tacked on more digits.  Ultimately, I was forced by Wachovia to give it up when they discontinued the “product”.  Funny, I had never before that thought of the passbook savings account opened for me by my parents as a product.  To me, it seemed more like a gift.

By the time I was forced to close my childhood savings account, the bank had tellers younger than my passbook, and they were incredulous that I was saddened by the closure of an account that earned me a penny a month in interest.  Just pining for a lost era, I guess.

20111030_bank_evolution

Women!

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered.  He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. 

This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her.  Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00.. on one condition…” 

Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was.  The man replied, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.” 

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man’s hand along with her address.  She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said….

“Clean my house.”

The psychic

Jennifer visited a psychic of some local repute.  In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news: “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt – prepare yourself to be a widow.  Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year”. 

Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman’s lined face then at the single flickering candle then down at her hands.  She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.  She simply had to know.  She met the fortune teller’s gaze, steadied her voice and asked “Will I be acquitted?”