Archive | September 2013

Weekends, or Thank God It’s Monday for everyone else

Weekends, or Thank God It’s Monday for everyone else.

via Hollis Pample.



Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don’t ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why ‘abbreviated’ is such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

Why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called rush hour?

Why there isn’t mouse-flavored cat food?

Why Noah didn’t swat those two mosquitoes?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why sheep don’t shrink when it rains?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

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Only in America

Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.

Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

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