Archive | November 2011

Life’s Burning Questions

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety-one? 

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?  Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with? 

If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren’t people from Holland called Holes? 

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist? 

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? 

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? 

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? ?

Do Lipton Tea employees take ‘coffee breaks?’ 

What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?  (I have wondered this for years!!!)

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use.  Toothpicks? 

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?  What are we supposed to do, write to them?  Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? 

Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive? 

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? 

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice:  When you put the two words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together, it spells ‘THEIRS’? 

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Reverse Logic

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 

6. Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing? 

7. Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing? ;

8. Why do “tug” boats push their barges? 

9. Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we are already there? 

10. Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting? 

11. Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”? 

12. Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected? 

13. Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” opposites? 

14. Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things? 

15. Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds? 

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? 

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? 

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural? 

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead? 

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? 

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word? 

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them? 

25. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one? 

27. Christmas – What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks? 

28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? 
 

I dunno, why do we?